Yes, you did. Argh! And it's another one I own of course.
I think I would use Sequence in here to indicate the "this happened, then that happened" nature of the lyric, especially in the "when I awoke" bit. And I'm not sure what the better translation of "bird" would be, but since a "Sky-fish" is specifically a creature that's kind of like a cross between a humpback whale and a hot-air balloon (plus tentacles) it seems a little off.
And this would have been made clearer if Rikchik had tenses, but there's nothing to be done about that.
The use of Before rather than Sequence is exactly the style choice I mentioned. And actually tahnan has 2 on you, having gotten yesterday's last night over AIM. But that's not one you own or even necessarily know. Though might know it.
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cnoocy
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Date: 2004-05-13 10:18 am (UTC)I think I would use Sequence in here to indicate the "this happened, then that happened" nature of the lyric, especially in the "when I awoke" bit. And I'm not sure what the better translation of "bird" would be, but since a "Sky-fish" is specifically a creature that's kind of like a cross between a humpback whale and a hot-air balloon (plus tentacles) it seems a little off.
And this would have been made clearer if Rikchik had tenses, but there's nothing to be done about that.
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Date: 2004-05-13 10:33 am (UTC)And actually