Ironic Hexameter

In his post about the new squidpunk anthology, John Scalzi mentioned that he's written an ode in Ionic Hexameter. A few people misread that as "Ironic Hexameter", including Steven Gould, who claimed to "REALLY WANT" to read something in this meter.

Well, I couldn't leave a request like that sitting on the table,* so here goes.

I'm very good at writing sonnets, as you see,
Observing ev'ry rule of this poetic form.
My verse is always metrical, and never free;
I never violate a long-establish'd norm.
My teachers told me, "Don't attempt to make a change
In something that has lasted through the centuries."
So I've made sure my lines are full of nothing strange
That might cause puzzlement, confusion, or unease.
I rhyme the verses as Elizabethans rhyme,
Three interlocking quatrains and a final pair.
My iambs march in perfectly consistent time,
And ev'ry syllable is placed with greatest care.
The sonnet is the form at which I most excel,
And this one is the proof that I can write them well.


(Thanks to tahnan for proofreading.)
* Especially from a talented author whose books illustrate that the dangers of the supernatural are nothing compared to the perils of interpersonal relationships and federal agents.